Rewriting Your Money Story

I’m a natural born spender. I would blow through money like it was nothing when I was a kid. Twenty dollars in lunch money that should’ve lasted an entire week would be gone by Wednesday, forcing me to bargain and borrow to cover up my lunch line splurges. I believed in the “treat yo’self” mentality way before it became a popular mantra on social media.

My adventures in lunch money management taught me I could use money to get what I want today and worry about the consequences of my spending later. It’s a relatively harmless belief system when you’re playing with $20 of someone else’s money in middle school. It’s a lot less harmless when that belief leads you to rack up thousands of dollars in credit card debt in your 20s.

Origins of Money Beliefs

Financial socialization refers to the way life teaches or doesn’t teach us about money. As kids, we’re like sponges, absorbing conscious and unconscious beliefs from the people and environment around us. Society, our socioeconomic status, and the media, shapes our beliefs about money, but mostly, we pick up our unconscious beliefs about money from interactions with our families and the people we trust the most. The financial conditioning we receive as youth can have an outsized impact on our financial behaviors as adults.

Money Scripts

The unconscious beliefs we develop as children turn into money scripts that we operate under as adults. Financial psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz developed the term money scripts. Money scripts describe the unconscious beliefs we hold that shape our financial habits.

The four primary money scripts are money avoidance, money worship, money status, and money vigilance.

You may hear any of the following statements from people operating in their respective money scripts:

• Money Avoidance– “money gives me anxiety; I don’t deserve to have money. "

• Money Worship– “money is the key to my happiness; money would solve all my problems.”

• Money Status– “money is how I prove my worth; I measure success by wealth and status.”

• Money Vigilance– “money is how I protect myself; I hoard money just in case there’s an emergency.”

The Problem

Money scripts shape our financial habits. That wouldn’t be such a bad thing if we rooted our money scripts in truth. The problem with money scripts is that they limit our idea of what is financially possible, and they are largely inaccurate.

“Money scripts often consist of incomplete, conflicting or partial truths. In each money script, there are grains of truth, as well as grains of falsehood." - Klontz, Kahler, Klontz (2016).

The perception we form about money growing up is based on incomplete information. That’s not our fault, it’s just the way it is. If you grew up in a household where you experienced financial trauma, it makes sense that you have money anxiety as an adult. If you grew up in a home that coveted social status, it makes sense that you would equate money with your sense of self-worth as an adult. We develop beliefs about money based on our lived experience. There’s a reason we believe the things we do, but those beliefs may not be entirely helpful at this stage in our lives.

Rewriting Your Money Story

The good thing about money scripts is that you can rewrite them. In order to rewrite your money script, you’ll need to identify the beliefs that don’t serve you well. Maybe it’s the idea that you need to spend to feel valued, or the fear of dealing with finances because they seem overwhelming. It’s hard work, but you can dismantle the limiting beliefs you have about money.

As a starting point, reflect on the following questions:

1. Which money script do I most identify with (avoidance, worship, status, vigilance)?

2. What are my current beliefs about money (I’m just not good at managing money, I deserve to spend money as I please, etc.)?

3. Where did my money beliefs come from (family, society, social media, etc.)?

4. What money habits do I have because of my beliefs (overspending, hoarding savings, avoiding bills or budgeting, spending to impress others, etc.)?

5. In what ways do my money habits help or harm me?

Taking Action

Once you identify the ways your money beliefs have held you back, challenge your internal narrative by seeking education and support. Books, financial advisors, or even conversations with friends who have healthy money habits can be game changers. Set achievable money goals that align with your values. Celebrate small victories to reinforce positive changes. Be gentle with yourself and remember, transforming your money beliefs and habits is a marathon, not a sprint.

*Reference: Klontz, B., Kahler, R. & Klontz, T. (2016). Facilitating Financial Health. The National Underwriter Company.