Love & Money

‘Tis the season of love, and though I spent my weekend waiting for Walgreens to slash the price of heart-shaped chocolates, the coupled up among us may have spent the weekend basking in relational bliss.

Super soul singer Teddy Pendergrass once said, “it’s so good loving somebody, and that somebody loves you back.” Fewer people are pursuing “traditional” marriage, but the desire to love and to be loved, to find fulfilling, committed, and long-lasting companionship remains high.

One of the biggest threats to the “long-lasting” part of the equation is money. It’s a leading cause of stress and conflict in relationships.

Our life experiences shape our money beliefs and habits. Far from being “just numbers”, money is a deeply emotional topic. It takes a lot of vulnerability to lay your financial life out on the table with our loved ones. Complicating matters more, some of us aren’t the best communicators. Whether you’re splitting rent, saving for a big purchase, or just trying to figure out who’s covering dinner tonight, money conversations can easily turn tense. But why is it so hard to manage money with a partner? And more importantly—how can we make it easier?

Why Money and Relationships Can Be So Stressful

1. We All Have Different Money Mindsets

Our upbringing shapes our attitudes toward money. Maybe you grew up in a household where money was tight, so you’re extra cautious about spending. Meanwhile, your partner might have had a more relaxed approach. These ingrained beliefs don’t just disappear when you enter a relationship—they influence everything from budgeting to long-term financial planning.

2. Income Inequality Between Partners Can Cause Tension

In an ideal world, love would conquer all. But let’s be honest—when one person makes significantly more than the other, it can create an unspoken power dynamic. Who pays for what? Should we split finances 50/50, even if one person earns less? These questions can lead to resentment if they’re not discussed openly.

3. Spending Habits Can Clash

Ever feel like your partner spends too much on wants while you’re laser-focused on needs? Or maybe you’re the one who enjoys spontaneous purchases while they stick to a strict budget. Opposing spending habits can cause friction, especially when shared expenses are involved.

4. Talking About Money Feels Unromantic

Money frequently connects to anxiety, shame, or even past trauma. Many of us avoid these conversations because they feel uncomfortable—or worse, like we’re setting the stage for an argument. But ignoring financial discussions won’t make the issues disappear.

5. We Worry About the Future

Financial stress isn’t just about today—it’s also about the future. Are we saving enough? Should we combine finances? What happens if one of us loses a job? These worries can strain a relationship, particularly if partners disagree.

How to Make Money Management with Your Partner Way Less Stressful

While money talks can be awkward, they don’t have to be a source of constant stress. Here are some ways to make managing finances with your partner easier:

1. Have Regular (and Judgment-Free) Money Dates

Set aside time each month to talk about money. Make it a date—order takeout, pour some wine, and review your budget together. Keep the conversation open, honest, and free of blame. The goal is to align your financial goals, not point fingers.

2. Be Transparent About Your Financial Situation

Hiding debt, overspending, or avoiding money discussions will only lead to bigger problems down the road. Be honest about your financial situation—whether it’s student loans, credit card debt, or savings goals. The sooner you put everything on the table, the better you can plan together.

3. Decide on a Fair Way to Split Expenses

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to splitting costs. Some couples do a 50/50 split, while others divide expenses based on income percentage. Figure out what feels fair and sustainable for both of you.

4. Set Shared Financial Goals

Working toward a common goal—whether it’s saving for a trip, buying a home, or building an emergency fund—can strengthen your financial partnership. It shifts the focus from your money vs. their money to our future.

5. Use Technology to Stay Organized

Money apps like Rocket Money can help track expenses, budgets, and shared spending. Automating bill payments and savings contributions can also reduce financial stress.

6. Give Each Other Financial Freedom

Even if you combine finances, it’s important to have individual spending freedom. Consider setting “no-questions-asked” personal spending limits to avoid feeling micromanaged.

7. Seek Professional Guidance if Needed

If money discussions always lead to fights, consider talking to a financial coach or couples’ therapist. Sometimes, an unbiased third party can help bridge financial differences.

Money doesn’t have to be a constant source of stress in your relationship. The key is to communicate openly, find a system that works for both of you, and remember that you’re on the same team.

Cheers to love, and making it work!

-M